My Life Online
In the series 'My Fantasy' some members of secretdare.com submit their erotic story. To express themselves, to share what they secretly really want. Secret Dare is an adult erotic dating website, where you can meet people by playing a game of Truth or Dare online, through sending messages or by using Video Chat.
Then I wanted more. My nerves died down and I got less awkward about pushing down the keyboard keys and getting some interaction with some of these men. I actually wanted to talk to these random guys online. Some of them seemed so sweet in their greetings that I felt drawn to tell them 'hi' or ask them how their day went. Of course there was the occasional creeper. That one guy in a heap of messages that would smell so deeply of desperation that I my body couldn't help but feel physically ill at. Luckily, these men were few and far between. Then there were the guys who had the complete opposite reaction within me. My body wanted these people in all the right ways. I could almost feel their touch my their messages. Their pictures made things low in my body tighten up. I thought this was the ultimate sensation that I could get from my dating profiles and I this was how my life went for months.
I would come home from work and without even taking the time to wash the day off I would head to my computer. To pace myself, I would start out on Facebook and browse around to look at what my actual friends were doing. It helped ground me and it was a reminder that this was real life. Not the weird attention-seeking life that I had started to possess online. I'd scroll through hundreds of pictures of my friends' little bundles of joy, their most exciting adventures that they were totally having every day, and piles of politically-fueled rants. I don't know why I thought that meeting people online in a day, when almost anything was online, was somehow less "real." I couldn't wait to log on to my dating sites. I purposely refused to check them at work because it built up the momentum if I waited. It made things more intense. It almost made things real for me.
After a while I started to believe what these men were telling me. Maybe I actually could be hot and sexy. I started living more vicariously through my online profiles. My pictures started to become less tired cubicle slave and a little more...something. It started with just profile pictures where there was visible cleavage. The messages and new matches rolled in faster. So then I started taking full-body pictures. In some I'd ever-so-slightly raise my skirt. Just enough. Just to the point where I could show the firmness of my body. Taking these pictures had an unexpected effect. The more attention I got, the less clothes I would wear made me want to continually improve myself. I started tracking everything that I ate and signed up at the gym. I had begun to have a pretty tight body. My butt started to fill in my jeans more as I began to develop a "squatter's booty". After a while of taking care of myself I decided to go even further with my pictures.
I took a picture in the tiniest shorts that I could find in my drawer. I stood with my back facing the camera, my left foot pointed to give the maximum view of what I had to offer, and I turned slightly with a come-hither sort of look. My heart fluttered a little when I uploaded it onto my computer. I felt confused. I only had one thought blaring through my head for several minutes as I sat there mulling over uploading the picture onto my profile.
Is this who I am now?
I looked at the picture for several more seconds. I was never one of those girls. No one actually wanted to be one of those girls...right? I've always been okay with being passed up because I felt that my morals would keep me warm at night until the right guy came. I didn't even understand where these morals came from. They just were there. Always have been. Always will be.....maybe....maybe not. I didn't know. Those girls that supposedly no one wanted to be seemed to have a lot of fun.
I uploaded the picture to my dating websites. I uploaded it before I could let my thoughts wrap around what the ramifications of publicly displaying myself like this could be. I can now proudly say that I am happy that I did. No one that I knew ever found it. My boss never called me into the office to question me. No one is questioning my reputation. I still talk in the office and no one snickers off or shares links about me. As far as anyone knows at work, I am still the mousy and shy girl that I've always been.
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What is the fantasy, and what makes it exciting for you?
I know I was supposed to write about my fantasies. Things that I would want to do, and fantasize about. However, I would like to share my last few months on dating sites, how it was for me.What would the ideal daydream story of the fantasy be?
I have to admit I was pretty new to this. I've never even remotely considered looking on the internet to find someone to date...let alone casually be with. I'm a -get-drunk-at-a-bar-and-find-the-first-thing-to-say-yes kind of girl. I used to think that made me a loser. I signed up for online dating and I was shocked to see that guys would message me. That guys would actually want to know things about me and were attracted to me, at least at some low and shallow level. At first the rush of just having messages in my inbox was enough to keep me happy. I'd sign up at various sites, wait for matches, and watch the messages start rolling in. It was enough to sate my need to be wanted. At least in the beginning.Then I wanted more. My nerves died down and I got less awkward about pushing down the keyboard keys and getting some interaction with some of these men. I actually wanted to talk to these random guys online. Some of them seemed so sweet in their greetings that I felt drawn to tell them 'hi' or ask them how their day went. Of course there was the occasional creeper. That one guy in a heap of messages that would smell so deeply of desperation that I my body couldn't help but feel physically ill at. Luckily, these men were few and far between. Then there were the guys who had the complete opposite reaction within me. My body wanted these people in all the right ways. I could almost feel their touch my their messages. Their pictures made things low in my body tighten up. I thought this was the ultimate sensation that I could get from my dating profiles and I this was how my life went for months.
I would come home from work and without even taking the time to wash the day off I would head to my computer. To pace myself, I would start out on Facebook and browse around to look at what my actual friends were doing. It helped ground me and it was a reminder that this was real life. Not the weird attention-seeking life that I had started to possess online. I'd scroll through hundreds of pictures of my friends' little bundles of joy, their most exciting adventures that they were totally having every day, and piles of politically-fueled rants. I don't know why I thought that meeting people online in a day, when almost anything was online, was somehow less "real." I couldn't wait to log on to my dating sites. I purposely refused to check them at work because it built up the momentum if I waited. It made things more intense. It almost made things real for me.
After a while I started to believe what these men were telling me. Maybe I actually could be hot and sexy. I started living more vicariously through my online profiles. My pictures started to become less tired cubicle slave and a little more...something. It started with just profile pictures where there was visible cleavage. The messages and new matches rolled in faster. So then I started taking full-body pictures. In some I'd ever-so-slightly raise my skirt. Just enough. Just to the point where I could show the firmness of my body. Taking these pictures had an unexpected effect. The more attention I got, the less clothes I would wear made me want to continually improve myself. I started tracking everything that I ate and signed up at the gym. I had begun to have a pretty tight body. My butt started to fill in my jeans more as I began to develop a "squatter's booty". After a while of taking care of myself I decided to go even further with my pictures.
I took a picture in the tiniest shorts that I could find in my drawer. I stood with my back facing the camera, my left foot pointed to give the maximum view of what I had to offer, and I turned slightly with a come-hither sort of look. My heart fluttered a little when I uploaded it onto my computer. I felt confused. I only had one thought blaring through my head for several minutes as I sat there mulling over uploading the picture onto my profile.
Is this who I am now?
I looked at the picture for several more seconds. I was never one of those girls. No one actually wanted to be one of those girls...right? I've always been okay with being passed up because I felt that my morals would keep me warm at night until the right guy came. I didn't even understand where these morals came from. They just were there. Always have been. Always will be.....maybe....maybe not. I didn't know. Those girls that supposedly no one wanted to be seemed to have a lot of fun.
I uploaded the picture to my dating websites. I uploaded it before I could let my thoughts wrap around what the ramifications of publicly displaying myself like this could be. I can now proudly say that I am happy that I did. No one that I knew ever found it. My boss never called me into the office to question me. No one is questioning my reputation. I still talk in the office and no one snickers off or shares links about me. As far as anyone knows at work, I am still the mousy and shy girl that I've always been.